Movement

        Trusting can cause severe damage, it has always been like that. There is not a trick, there are no rules.


        There are moment during a relationship where you are tested, these moments shall look very different. It can be from a birthday to a fight or a funeral. It can even be a little message. The other one always will expect something. Not just something but one specific answer. In my case my 'test' is sending 'i love you' and i expect no less. Then the absence of answer means that you don't until you reply. An answer containing something other than the frase means you don't.

        I get paranoic in a second.

        I am sick i think. Sad.


        I can no longer hide my true nature, i am alone. Alone inside my own cage, all i am and all i can do is drift through this land as a ghost, a spectrum of nothingness. It doesn't matters what i do, no one will ever love me true. Not the way i love. No one will ever follow me into my journey.

        After all, the drifters can only drift on their own.

Wrongness, missconceptions and hopes

       "I am tired, i have been good enough for such a long time now and no one has ever even tryed to be nice with me"

I could say that i think i have all the right to say it. But what good could it be ? After all i have been not good but rather stupid, an idiot who thought that everything was settled, that everything was just fine as long as i could resist. Guess what ? There is a tiny switch in my head, it's not your average ON/OFF one. 

It's the emotion trigger switch, it's actually amazing because it can 'set' emotions like love, hate, etc... and stack the actuall emotion. That switch does jump! It frees the stack of feelings all together in the main pool of thoughts ! Imagine poisoning all and every thought with hatred and rage! imagine death all over your mind.

After those incidents however, every thought is purged. 

Quite a nice device.

Defeat of the loosers

        Hello my great followers. This entry is about defeat ! Not the semantic meaning of the word but about the moment it happens. About the feeling of utter desperation of having it in front of you, the moment you know there is no turning back but you are so close. So very close. 

        It happen to me just yesterday. My team and i were in a contest (witch name and purpose is irrelevant for the entry), there were just four teams. Including us. We started quite fine, unprepared but fine. Minutes went by, we could not solve a single problem but we knew how to do them, it was just the judge kicking our solutions. 

      Minutes went by.

On wiskey and cookies

A strange relationship can be found between distant objects, words and even worlds. Like the unreasonable belief that mars is in fact the star of war. The drunken kids with the urge to eat a cookie in the middle of a party night.

About half the vanguard knights are ready to sacrifice their lifes willingfully in order to be remembered as the 'horde witch brought chaos upon the land'  however most of them do also try to be home by the afternoon. The shadows that scare in the night are, on most cases, casted by the cutest of the beings in the day. The contradiccions swirling around one's head might drive another soul to assylums for madness treatment treatment only meant to push towards the weaks corners of the mind under the wrong ideal of breaking the shell of sorrow, supposing that behind is hidden a butterfly of happiness when the only actual thing is shell, empty of anything worth rescuing.

At last, rest

As days get more and more uninteresting i find myself lost, lost and wishing for a place to rest of all this madness.

Finding it is not more than a relieving dream. For walking towards the end is all what can be done when the soul is shatterd and the stars find their way to shine with a black sky.

The real of slumber carries not peace to the soul, but a rest for a body in the blink of rotting inside itself. For the path never ends and the fall never stops, this soul shall once again be blind and away for a slice of night to fight against itself instead of the usual demons of noon.

Uphill

When you are deep, deep inside the hole of despair, when light seems like a blurry memory and all you do is scream inside yourself. That moment, that instant death speaks of the end, that time is not the time you seek death.

About being a "Gigantic faggot"

Hello  once again my little friends...

Forget that.


It seems someone (probablly many people too) believes that i am a really stupid and hopeless human being. Not far from the truth that is what i used to think about myself a couple months ago.

So pathetic. ...

God i had no idea someone would read and what's more reply to something i post here.


But it's not what i had in mind, he/she just made me realize that being pathetic and stupid on the internet is not good at all and a couple things more.

It's hard to write good things since this is my i-m-feeling-like-shit blog however. (lol ?)

Just to keep the record, i am with her now. And i'm starting to feel a little better with myself, for many months (couple of years) my mind has been filled with stupid thoughts of how relationships are, how much i deserved pretty much any girl and how they might be coming at me like some sort of rockstar. That was stupid no one will ever come like that, no one is that amazingly cute, specially not me since i never cared about my body that much.

Thanks stranger.

I just... don't know

strange feel

So since the dawn of this blog i have been complaining repeatedly about how lonely and unhappy my life was. But this post is a little different, why ?
keep reading...

Simple minded

You might think men are all the same, some kind of brute animals just lurking around trying to get laid, but my lady... You don't know me, you can't even imagine the machinations of my mind. Of course that my thought are filled with carnal desires and there is more, much more than that fire haired princess. I don't just want to have your body, my desire goes beyond, your mind, having you thinking of me all the time is important too, but not forget the soul, your soul is what i truly want to devour for it is known that inside the heart there is a fire. And that what we call soul, wherever it lies, i want yours, i want to have it. 

And yet, if i could, i wouldn't.

Because not having you, because missing you has defined me. You are the one i worship in my dream, and one never get to make dreams true. Not me, not yet. 

 Looking at your photos, i still wander why, after fighting you didn't erased me, is making me suffer your joy maybe? You get horny on my tears, and masturbate on my sorrow ?

All what is left of me is twisted all thanks to you.

i love you.

back, but moving ?

Let me say that i love and will ever love this blog, god ! it was my first blog ever like the very first. And still has some traffic too. 

Now i have a new account and another blog, but this, this one is the story of my life, nearest to it at least.

Right now, for instance, i'm talking to this girl i knew on high school she's pretty and i like her (body) but it's nothing like love, just want to fuck her. However she's like a sister to me, and well, better not to talk any more right ?. She's a fucking whore some times, specially when i want to talk or something and she's like "oh lets go to the club, i love dancing and moving my ass, but really, i don't want your dick"

she has a boyfriend too..

this is all for now, may i be writing more soon ? 

 just god knows.